My spiritual journey

Hi there! I have been really busy the last months and since my operation I have been feeling quite well but a little off, like no energy. I think it is because I have a deficiency of vitamines and minerals, but I loose weight as I should and I have now 25 kg less on my back and I´m really happy about this!!!  I feel lighter but unfortunately I have problems with my right foot. I know it has something to do with my emotional state but I don´t know what it is all about. Feet normaly take us to places, forward and are flexible, are smooth and they let us stand firm on the ground. All that is what I associate with feet and I thinkt that exactly is what I lack of, not consiously but still there is something in me that does not let me go forward.  Even though I´m in pain often this last 2 months I go to exercise and this sunday I will be going swimming, looking forward to this!!! Ever since the elections in September we have the Swedish democrats (Sverigedemokraterna) in the pa...

I´ve been absent for a long time but it´s not because I´dont want to write is that I have been busy and I´m still convalencent. I´ve done a gastric -bypass 2 1/2 weeks ago and the change has not been easy. On one hand there is the old me, eating what I wanted and there is the new me who knows if I eat that than I´ll have dumping for half an hour so I ´dont eat that cookie. But it has been hard, not been able to drink water from a bottle and just drink how much you want.  And my bloodsugar is too low, so to compensate I have to eat sugar.  Sugar was the main thing that "helped" me to be overweight and now it´s my rescuer.  Stranger things have happened.  Just now I´m eating a smoothie and I have palpitations from hell! So I will have to eat sugar to help and stop palpitations. I will have to stop now since I´m dizzy and have to lie down. It will get better! Namaste!

I´ve been busy, and working but now I´ m on my last week of vacation and my reumatoid arthritis (RA) stroke once again, this time very hard and I´m in pain. Took some cortison and I´m relieved a little bit today but still not okay. I started my lcd before my gastric bypass. I have to loose 10 kg until the 4th of september when I get my operation. Pity that it only coinsides with my RA.  I have a long history with overweight which became severe the last 2 or 3 years. I had a long conversation with myself and it is the last solution to this problem which I have been struggling with since my teens. Now I look forward to next year when I can wear a dress again (have not worn a dress since my childhood). The main event this year came to me as a gift, I did not even think about this option until it was there in front of me. My brother and his wife always vacation in Greece and they travel by car, The trip takes about 2-3 days. This year when there were coming back to Sweden the car b...

The last weeks I have been practicing/expiriencing the power of the "I am" and that no one can take away anything from me without my consent. I have been feeling inside that I can not loose anything because there is nothing to loose, I have the Divine power inside of me and I can never loose anything. It´s hard word though and I do not always manage to think this way but I´m getting there.  I have debts like many of my fellow humans have. Debt is cause because of guilt about something, maybe there is a debt from earlier lives that have to be "paid" back or maybe the debt is caused in this life because there is lack of something inside of you.  I know that I have been feeling this a lot before, I had thoughts of not being enough , and just that feeling of lacking has manifested in my reality. Unfortunately it has manifested that the enforcement office takes a part of my salary to pay my debt. I`m aware that I´m responsible for taking care and accepting this debt ...

Today has been a very exceptional day.  It began when I woke up, I woke up, my dog next to me and I fetched my cellphone to check out the happenings around the world on FB. I scrolled down  and saw a documentary on youtube which was about the Moses code, I am that I am. I´ve come across this a couple of times in the past and since I do not believe in coincidence I started to watch and I senced that whatever vibration this documentary was emiting it felt right on.  It told the story about when Moses met God on the mountain and it appeared as a burning bush or tree. Upon the question who it was it answered I am that I am. I have been wondering about that sentence a couple of years but never understood the meaning until today.  They talked about who/what is "I am" and it is the Oneness, the Divine, God, whatever you wished to call it. You are me and I am you! It is that simple!  It became very clear to me today and that I am those persons who I don´t like, t...

I have not been able to write for a long time but I can not blame it on not having time, it´s has been just a period in my life when I have too much to think about and no energy to write it down. It has been a time for so many feelings, it seems that I´m always wearing my feelings like a piece of garment that I can not take off. I went to a funeral the other day, it was for a person that I did not know that well but still he was a person that will be missed. The person holding the memorial talked about how his children saw him, how he went to the soccergames with the boy and the way he treated his daughter with so much love and care. I was very upset about that because that is something I would have wished that my father would have done when I was a child but he only had expectations and hopes that I would turn out how he planed it for me, but I did not and never will!  That feeling made me cry that I will never expirience that with my father and I was sad of not having that ...

I often wonder how is it that good people die young?  I know it is their contract that they made long before arriving to this encarnation but I still think sometimes that life is not fair all the time.  Yesterday I got the message that an aquiantance has passed away. He was only 58 years old. He was a doctor that helped a lot of people, he was well know in my town, he took the time to talk to his patients and he had empathy for his patiens suffering and pain.  His life was not a fairy tale, he came from another country  and was inprisoned only 19 years old. He was there about 5 years and was then released and escaped to Europe where he found a save haven. He began studying medicine and got his ph.d. 5 years later. He later began his speciality and that is where he worked for all his life.  He was diagnosed about 2 or 3 years ago and underwent chemo, but they found metastases. Being a doctor he knew the prognosis but he kept on with chemo and radiation and...

Today I want to talk about something that is difficult to talk about and that many people avoid because it gets too close to what you can bear or you are just afraid. I want to talk about suicide. This word is difficult to understand because the majority of us never would even think about this and I´m sure that many of us know or have in their acquintance someone that has done just that, suicide. I never thought that one day I would have such thoughts. It was not that long ago, just about 7 or 8 months.  We have had a lot of problems at work, we had meetings after meetings and we saw no inprovement about the situation. It was torture to go to work and feeling the constant gazing from some people if you really are working. You know how that feels? You have no trust anymore that you  are doing your job, people who are new at this question how you work, not that you are doing it wrong but that you are too slow and looking if you really are doing your job and not a p...

I´ve been not feeling good today.  I have a lot of joint pain since I have reumatoid arthritis since 2006.  The pain started in 2006 first in my feet, I had difficulties to walk, went to the doctor said I needed shoes insoles to get better. I got them but I did not get better, I got worse, every step was a torture and I had to walk, I had to work and I was alone taking care of my children, so I had no one to lean on. So, after a few months I started to get joint pain, everywhere, I had difficulty to move or putting on a t-shirt, I could not wash my hair, my mom had to do it. I had to stay at home, I was constantly tired and wanted to sleep. Nothing helped! Since I did not have a diagnosis I did not know what I should take to feel better, only pain killers. So on the 19th of december 2006 I got to go to Karoliska sjukhuset in Stockholm and they diagnosed it as reumatoid arthritis.  It was a relief that I knew what it was and that I could get better but I had ...

Have you ever been in a hurry and driving to work takes longer then usual? Well, that is not strange, not at all! In spirituality we always say that ALL things happen for a reason, that everything that happens has to happen in order for you to grow, the good things and the bad things.  It is not much different when it comes to driving a car. The way you drive a car, fast, slow, if you respect the speed limits, if you are cautious when driving and driving defensive are all signs how you "drive" yourself throught your life. When you are late for work, what happens? You know you are late and you don´t want to come late again so you hurry so the delay is not that obvious but it will be anyway. So you get in the car start the engine, put in the gear, off to leave the kids to school, they are late too, of course, then when they are at school you drive off to the mainroad and wait to make a turn so you can get on the mainroad. What happens in this moment? Simple, since ...

I love the german language!  Yes! It´s true. German sounds so beautiful and well spoken it´s like music to my ears.  I grew up in Germany, in 1974 I arrived with my mom and brother to Berlin. Our father was there already and waited for us. It was wonderful to be in a new country but at the same time kind of scary. We did not know where we were going or were we would sleep but that was no problem in the end.  The first word I learned in german was "Aufwiedersehen". It was the East German ambassador in my country that taught me that word. I could not have known than that I would study "Germanistik" later on as an adult.  Germanistik is the sience of the german language and literature. When I began my studies in Berlin in 1988 I had to "unlearn" the dialect I had when I began my studies. My phonetics teacher said that since I would be studing Germanistik I had to learn to speak what it´s called "Hochdeutsch". Hochdeutsch is like Oxford Engl...

I had a dream today where a friend of mine who I have not have contact with for almost 3 years came into my dream and showed me photos. It was photos from the love of my life and other fun/beautiful stuff. I really don´t know now why we stopped seeing each other, but whatever reason I don´t care today and I wrote her a letter a few moments ago and I told her that I love her. And it´s really so. I love her! She is kind and fun to be with, she speaks about intresting stuff like spirituality so we have a lot in common.  I remembered the article of a woman who worked as a nurse in a pallitative home. The 5 top things people regret the most are:  1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. 3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. I remembered that today and I think that the dr...

This weekend I attended a lecture given by a very special person. It was about the teachings of Lemuria and the Naakal priests who had wisdom about our universe and how we are all connected. What he talked about resonated with me inside, it felt like coming home, familiar, and somehow I knew all about it. He explained about time, how we percieve it and why we are seeing so much evil in the world. He explained that we all have a contract before we arrive to earth and we have commited to that contract and what will happen, how we are going to look like, what we will expirience in this life and that the main purpose for us to come here is for us to open our heart.  But unfortunately or rather fortunately we have to see or expirience the dark side, only then we can see the light and see the difference and that we can choose to choose the light. Every person I meet is a reflexion of me, some people who we might not like, are us aswell and they show us a side of us that we don´t...

I have not been here for a while due to work, exaustion, problems, and not having a desire to write.  I have been struggling with my daughter who is 15 and who goes to school in 9th grade. This is the last year she goes to elementary school. She has to have grades to go to high school,  but I´m not getting through to her. She has no real desire to study and it is a pity that she does not understand that her actions has an impact on her future. I have been trying to get her to understand that what she does today has a consequence in the future.  I have read about the Law of attraction (see for this the books by Jerry and Esther Hicks about Abraham, good read!!!) and simply explained it´s about what you think about and what feeling you give this thought is what shows up in your reality.  For example if you think you are poor and have that feeling inside, that is what is going to show up in your life.  The same thing if you think of good things and you really...

I sometimes wonder: has everything we do have to do with sex?  I got to know a guy through a game, we started talking and then we talked about a lot of things and today I mentioned that I have to go to work tomorrow but I´m not that tired, so he suggested masturbation. I´m not prude and I do not have any problem talking about sex but I answered that I will safe that option for another time. He went on when that time will be, I told him that the word in german for mastubation is "Selbstbefriedigung" which means "selfsatisfaction", but in german the word has the word "selbst" in it and that means by myself. I told him that that was something that he did not need to know because masturbation is about being alone and when that happens I would be by myself. He apologized but I was kind of sad because I have been around a while and it always (99%) is the man that starts talking or asking about sex. I have not met him IRL and I will not either since he lives ...

I sometimes wonder when someone in the family is commiting a fault who´s responsibility it is to act or do not do anything. My daughter is 15 going on 16 and she has a boyfriend who she has not met IRL. They realtionship is through the internet and they talk for hours. I don´t find that so strange, we are living in the new millenia and things are not quiet as they were when I was that same age. The point is that he is afraid of meeting with her. He thinks that she will not like him at all when they finally meet. That is stupid but she is okay with it. Meanwhile is her mother (me) thinking how this relationship is going to survive if things don´t change. Possibly is he a fine young kid, only a year younger than he but he is definitely not feeling well at all. He has anxiety and he often tells her that he is going to take his life, that he hurts himself and that he doesn´t want to live anymore. The kid hates himself and that is a real pity but is it my daughters task to take care of...

I don`t feel well at all today. This feeling started last week but the sensation that something is going on, I´ve had for about two weeks. I´ve been experiencing nausea in the morning or sometimes during the day but also at night. I´ve had palpitaions for hours. I know for sure that I´m not pregnant so that is not it.  The climax was on friday last week when a co-worker exposed me in a meeting that I was not doing what was required of me, that I did not things the way she saw things. I just listened but I must say, I don´t really know what she was talking about and I really did not listen that attentive but the way she said it, reminded me of the way my father used to say things, she touched the scar that I´ve been having and that I thought was no more. But there it was in all its glory open for me to feel and feel the pain again. I was 5 years again, I could not say a thing, I could not even swallow, I felt short of breath, I felt that pain and it was growing and tears were...