My spiritual journey

I decided a couple of months ago to become a vegetarian. It is something I have thought about a long time but have never been able to commit to stop eating meat. I like meat, but since my daughter and I saw a animal transport in Spain and she saw inside the truck she saw pigs on their way to slaughter, she saw them in the heat, standing all together and being driven to the slaughterhouse. It was too much for her, she started crying and she said right there, that she would not eat meat anymore. We ate our last hamsandwich on our trip through Spain, France and Italy. We came home and we have started to eat only vegetarian food and I have not eaten any meat since the 15 of august and I really don´t miss meat at all. I feel that it is the right decision to stop eating meat and I really think that I´m doing something for myself and for the animals and for the enviroment. There is nothing more provocative than telling people that you are a vegetarian, they almost hate you and think t...

"He, who leaves without being told to, comes back to you, even if you did not call him" That is my translation of the spanish proverb, which is very much , what happened here. About a month ago I was browsing the internet and through FB when I remembered that I once had a boyfriend, 17 years ago. called S, aswell. I thought, I would give it a try to find him to see what ever happened to him. I searched Google and the decided to search FB aswell. When I started to type his name I could not breath! My S had taken me of the "black list" and could now see what was happening in my life again! Since we are not friends anymore he could not see everything but I got very nervous since I wondered what he could see. The only thing  he could see where my profile pictures and some status of where I was or have been the last year. Suddenly he "liked" a picture of me! I was not prepared for that! It was more than I could handle! All the months without knowing a...

I´ve been very busy the last months, work, rehab, work-out, worries, vacations and now from tomorrow I will be going to Växjö to study law. It´s part of my new job for my employer and is fully paid by them, flights, taxis, hotels, meals... I just have to show up! I promised a second part of what happened with S and his ex wife and here it is: I had  bought at book for S because I knew he was interested in history, I send it so he got it on Christmas day or so. I got a couple of days later a new message from his ex wife:  "Incredible! Just sad! Should I put and end to the relationship to S? We come home after a nice christmas weekend and you send a book to S. even though he says that you have no contact at all and over again that there has never been a relationship between you. He says that you do not understand that. I think that he has not been sincire to you too. He has either not been explicit to you or he is not truthful to me. It is not okay! I do not understand if h...

I´ve been away for a while. It has been for a lot of reasons.  First that I had surgery on my left hand and it has been a problem to write with just one hand, it still is! Second I have not feeling very well, the break-up has taken its toll on me and my temper and well being. I´ve been feeling down, kind of not accepting the break-up, because its end was so strange. Since I wrote last happened a lot of things. On the day of the operation, in the morning I got a message, which was written in the middle of the night. The author of the message was S ex wife. This is what it said: Hello: I´m very worried and sad because I have to bother you. I´m writing this to you, woman to woman and pledge that this can stay between you and me, that you understand my feelings in this matter. I do not want to hurt you in any way but I have to know if it is like he (S) is saying- that you are just friends. We resumed our relationship last March after being apart since last summer last year. ...

It´s been a couple of weeks since me and S broke up. The first week was the hardest but I´ve come to the conclusion that I did something for me that can not be measured in time or money or anything.  I too have behaviour patterns that I took with me to the relationship with S.  First was the pattern of being hidden, to be a secret, to not let the whole world know that I´m in love with this beautiful man, the man of my dreams... I was not allowed to be in public and to show my love. I did not meet any of his family, he met all of mine. I don´t think though that he was ashamed of me, that would not be like S.  That is why I reacted strongly to be hidden away in the periphery, to be a note in his life not feeling that I was important enough to be with him and re-acted to what I was faced to. The second pattern is that I got all consumed thinking of him, all my leasure time I was not here, I remembered what he had said, how he reacted to my touch, his lips, his kiss, h...

A week ago today S and I came to a decision to end our relationship. It is sad but I had to make a stand for myself. I could not go on to be a  secret, something that had to be hidden away because of fear, fear that his children would leave him or have no further conctact with him. His fear is so great that he decided against love  Unfortunately he had a similar situation years ago with his older children. His former wife (mother of his younger children) thought that now that they had children, the older ones should not be included in the new family and here is when it gets bizarre. His children did not want to have contact with him since he had a new family and that they were not longer welcome in their lives. I understand that this was very difficult for him, he suffered a lot because the older children decided to no longer have contact with his father. He nowadays has kind of good contact with his daughter but his oldest son has not yet forgiven him, something I can und...