Reality is stranger than fiction part 1

I´ve been away for a while. It has been for a lot of reasons. 
First that I had surgery on my left hand and it has been a problem to write with just one hand, it still is!

 Second I have not feeling very well, the break-up has taken its toll on me and my temper and well being. I´ve been feeling down, kind of not accepting the break-up, because its end was so strange.

 Since I wrote last happened a lot of things.
On the day of the operation, in the morning I got a message, which was written in the middle of the night. The author of the message was S ex wife.
This is what it said:

 Hello: I´m very worried and sad because I have to bother you. I´m writing this to you, woman to woman and pledge that this can stay between you and me, that you understand my feelings in this matter.
I do not want to hurt you in any way but I have to know if it is like he (S) is saying- that you are just friends.
We resumed our relationship last March after being apart since last summer last year. But two weeks ago his brother mentioned  that something was going on between you and S and asking S he has served me different versions; "You are friends" and the latest "that you happen to sleep together but that you have no contact for months". I just want nothing more to be able to trust him again, regardless of how our relationship is going to be. Under our 15 years together  I still have difficulty to see if he is telling the truth. It hurts more to be feed with lies than to be told the truth. I wish he could just tell the truth, to take reponsibility for what he has done and has said. I will not ask him about you anymore and not tell him if you anwer me- I only wish to have some confirmation so that I know how to behave around him, or if I´m able to continue my relationship with him. And if his heart is somewhere else than I step aside. But to go behind someones back is not acceptable for me. He know in the deep of his heart that I never looked at another man under our time together. I will not mention my contact to you. Ever.  I wish you all well. Kind regards J.

 Now I can tell you, I was surprised but on the other hand I was not.
Surprised that she is so desperate to know how our relationship was and on the other hand I always thought that she is kind of psycho that she eventually would contact me.

 Of course I was having my operation that same day and I was feeling so bad, on one hand, if what she told was true than S had been playing with me and my feelings, but I felt that it did not match up with the man I had known and loved, so after the operation I called him up. I told him that she had writen me and I asked if the things that she suggested were true, I told him that I choose to believe him, I do not know her so it is hard to believe her.
'He told me that what he feels and felt was true and that he never cheated in any way. He has no relationship to her, only that they have children together. I asked him why he had not told her the truth about me, how it really was, that he loved me and not a fabricated truth so she would not be angry at him. He told me he was afraid of her, because she could turn the children against him.
I told him that we could have had a chance if he just had told his children and her about having a relationship with another person than her. 

 The saddest part of all of this is that he has no "cojones" to tell her the truth and with that in mind I feel that it is hard to wait and to expect a call or that he comes back. I do not want a man who can not stand for what he felt or what he believed in. He could not stand up for himself and not for me either. I felt very sad about this because he said he loved me and in the end he could not stand up for love.

But it would not be the last time I heard from J. But I will tell you another time.

 Namaste!



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