Thinking of him

Today I thought of him a lot and I imagined what it would feel like to have him near. He will be the only man that I truly have loved. I have loved other men but never the way I loved him. Here is our story.
I studied in Berlin, Germany between 1988-1996.  There were a lot of students from other countries, exotic countries, lovely people and we had a good time between attending courses, library, studies at home... somehow we managed to have a good time. We had parties, drank a lot, laugh plenty, conversations into the late hours of the morning. Plain and simple : the typical student of that time.
I lived in a dorm where I shared room with a girl from Africa. We still have contact. Later came a girl from Russia. It was a wonderful time where I met a lot of people. 
One day on one of this parties I met Him. He was a bit taller than me, had a wonderful smile, and liked my accent( how I got my accent is another story). Then I still smoked and it was easy to start a conversation because he offered me a cigarette. We laughed and he began flirting with me. Since I was single at that time I simply liked the attention. We talked for a long time but then it was time to go home. We did not change numbers (remember it was late 80s, not everybody had a cellphone then) but we lived at the dorms so it would not be that difficult to find each other.
After a couple of days I met him at a bar that was situated in the same building of the dorm. I had a few drinks and as I remember He was leaning on the wall and I gathered my courage and just kissed him. It was a lovely kiss and as I think back now, it was the most wonderful kiss. EVER!
That night I hardly slept. I was high on emotions, I still could feel his lips on mine and I was in love. The following days we met but he explained that we could not be seeing together in public. That was devastating! I wanted everyone to know that I loved him and I could not show it to anyone. That was hard on me. Still is when I think about it now. He is from a country were it is not allowed to have a relation of any kind to anyone. If they found out(the officials of his country) he would be deported the next day. Unfortunately I did not believe it for a long time but now I know better.
The only person that knew about us where our closest friends and my family. Our relationship was hidden for all. How could love be forbidden? Love is sacred and should never be forbidden, whoever we choose to love! I had a hard time accepting this situation but if I wanted to be with him I had to endure this. Our relationship grew and it transformed. We slept together in a very small bed, how we managed to sleep there is still a mistery to me!  He would go buy breakfast and we had breakfast together. We saw each other everyday. He left notes for me. We still went out with our friends to restaurants and discotecs. We went to the movies together. We did everthing a couple would do but we had an entourage but we liked it. Of course we had fights too, and we broke up 2 or 3 times but we got back together.

On the 9th of november 1989 the Berlin wall came down. Now the germans were free to go to West-Berlin. It was a night I will never forget. Wonderful but frightening for not knowing what would be the next step.
Everything changed overnight! I can not say if all was for the better but it was a huge change that had an impact on other countries.
He and I went on with our relationship. We did not know what was waiting for us but only two weeks later we knew. It was not what we hoped for.
To be continued... Namaste!

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